I used to tell myself I’d get around to this. The problem with “getting around to it” is that you never know when “around to it” is actually too late.
I learned that the hard way. I’m not going to tell that story here. I’ve told it before, and I’ve told it long enough. What I want to do in this article is something more practical.
I want to walk you through the five documents I now keep in one paper folder anyone in my family can open. None of them are exotic. None of them are expensive. Most of them are free. And together they’re the difference between a family that can act in a crisis and a family that has to guess.
A quick note before we start. Some of the links below are affiliate links. That means if you click and use a service I recommend, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. I only point to services I’d use myself, and I’ll tell you when something is an affiliate link, every time.
Here’s the list.
Why this list matters
Most of us tell ourselves we have things in order. Then we look closely and realize we have pieces of a plan, not a plan.
A will is not a plan. Insurance is not a plan. Knowing the bank statements are in the kitchen drawer is not a plan.
A plan is a folder that another person can open and use without asking you a question. That’s the standard. If your family had to act tonight, on your behalf, could they?
If you’re not sure, this list is for you.
Document 1: Durable Power of Attorney (Financial)
A Durable Power of Attorney for finances names the person you trust to make money decisions on your behalf if you can’t. Pay your bills. Manage your accounts. Sign tax returns. Talk to your bank.
Without one, if you become unable to manage your own finances, your family typically has to go to court to get permission to help. That process is called conservatorship, and it’s expensive, slow, and public.
The word “durable” matters. A regular Power of Attorney ends if you become incapacitated. A durable one continues. You want durable.
How to get one: Many states have a free fill-in-the-blank form available through the state attorney general’s website. Services like Trust & Will and LegalZoom can also help you draft a customized version for around $89 to $199 (affiliate links). A local estate attorney will charge more but will tailor it to your situation. Any of those three paths works.
One mistake to avoid: Naming someone you trust now but won’t necessarily trust in fifteen years. The person who handles your finances when you’re 55 should be someone who can be that person when you’re 85. Think long-term.
Document 2: Healthcare Proxy
A Healthcare Proxy (sometimes called a Healthcare Power of Attorney) names the person who can make medical decisions on your behalf if you can’t speak for yourself.
This is the document I couldn’t find that night I told you about. It’s the document hospital social workers ask for first. It’s the document that determines whether your spouse, your child, or your sibling has the legal right to be in the room when decisions are being made about you.
It is not the same as your Living Will, which we’ll get to next. The Healthcare Proxy is the person. The Living Will is the wishes.
How to get one: Most states have a free form available through the state health department or hospital website. Trust & Will and LegalZoom include healthcare proxies in their estate planning packages (affiliate links). Or your doctor can give you the form on your next visit. The form doesn’t usually require a lawyer.
One mistake to avoid: Picking your spouse without a backup. If you and your spouse are in the same accident, you need a second person named. Most forms have space for a primary and an alternate. Use both.
Document 3: Advance Directive (Living Will)
An Advance Directive, also called a Living Will, is your written instructions about the medical treatment you would or would not want if you can’t speak for yourself.
This is where you say what life-extending measures you do and don’t want. It’s also where you say what kind of pain management you prefer, what your preferences are about hospice care, and what would be important to you at the end.
I want to say something honest about this one. It’s the document people put off the longest because it requires you to think about the hardest things. I get it. I put it off too. What I’ll tell you is that doing it once, even imperfectly, is better than not doing it. You can update it. You can change your mind. You can change it as many times as you want for the rest of your life. Just start.
How to get one: State-specific forms are available free through aging.gov or your state’s department of health. Trust & Will and LegalZoom include Advance Directives in their estate packages (affiliate links). The Conversation Project also has a free starter kit that walks you through the questions before you fill out the form.
One mistake to avoid: Filling it out alone. Talk to your doctor about it. Talk to your spouse. Talk to whoever you named as your healthcare proxy. The document is the last step, not the first.
Document 4: Current Medication List
This one isn’t legal. It’s logistical. And it’s the document every emergency room nurse I’ve ever talked to says they wish more patients had.
Your medication list should include every prescription, every supplement, every over-the-counter pill you take regularly, and the dosage of each. It should also include your major allergies and your most recent surgeries, if any.
In an emergency, this list saves time, prevents bad drug interactions, and gives the people treating you faster context. It also makes appointments with new doctors much easier.
How to get one: Make it. Today. On a piece of paper. Or in a notes app. Or with a free medication management app like Medisafe. Whatever format you’ll actually update is the right format.
One mistake to avoid: Making it once and never updating it. Doctors change. Doses change. Allergies emerge. Set a reminder to review it every six months. It takes five minutes.
Document 5: Emergency Contact Sheet
The last one is the simplest, and it’s the one I forgot about for the longest.
Your Emergency Contact Sheet is one page with the names and phone numbers of the people who would need to be called if something happened to you. That’s it. No legal language. No forms.
Who’s on it:
- Your healthcare proxy
- Your durable POA
- Your closest family members (spouse, kids)
- Your doctor
- Your attorney, if you have one
- A trusted neighbor
- The friend who would step in if no one else could
How to make one: Type it. Print two copies. One goes in your folder. One goes on your refrigerator. Tell two family members where both copies are.
One mistake to avoid: Forgetting the friend or neighbor. In real emergencies, the person who reaches you first is often someone in physical proximity. Don’t leave them off the list because you’re embarrassed to ask. Most people are honored to be on it.
The folder itself
These five documents go in one folder. Paper. Labeled. In a place anyone in your family can find without asking.
That’s the whole system.
I keep mine in a fireproof box in my front hall closet. My daughter knows where it is. My sister knows where it is. The label on the outside of the box says “Open in an emergency.”
That’s it. That’s the work.
What to do this week
If you have none of these, start with the Emergency Contact Sheet. Twenty minutes. No lawyer. No fees.
If you have some of these but not all, take an hour this weekend and figure out which ones are missing. Use any of the three paths above to fill the gaps.
If you have all of these but they’re scattered, gather them. Put them in one folder. Tell two people where it is.
If you want to know which pillar of aging in place needs your attention most right now, the Independence Assessment will tell you. Three minutes. Twenty questions. A specific starting point.
I’m working on a one-page printable summary of this list that you can print and tuck into your folder as a cover sheet. When it’s ready, I’ll send it to my newsletter list. If you’re not on the list yet, you can sign up at the bottom of any page on this site.
I’m glad you’re here.
Anne